Lets get sick together marathon

I have to say that the last 2 months must have been the toughest for us since Zac was born. The entire family signed up for a marathon, the lets get sick together marathon! :(

It all started 2 months ago when Hayley brought back the cough and cold bug. She had cough, runny nose and throat infection and was having fever as high as 39.6 over a couple of days which warranted an emergency visit to the 24 hours clinic nearby home one night. Her fever was consistently high especially in the middle of the night so we're constantly up sponging her and checking her temperature. She had no appetite and it was difficult to force food/medicine down her throat. She was basically on fluid for the 5 days.

This time she also passed on the bug to Zac. This was Zac's first time getting unwell since he was born. Zac also had the cough and runny nose. Although Zac didn't get the fever (thank God), his cough were horrible. He's got so much phlegm you could literally hear him wheezing when he breathes. Because the cough was so bad he didn't really get much sleep at night as he was constantly coughing. The child specialist said the phlegm were in his lungs and it would take a while for it to clear. She prescribed antibiotics as well so both my kids were heavily on drugs and antibiotics.

After about a week they were both getting better. Hayley's cough was improving and although Zac was still wheezing slightly, it didn't really disturb him as much. And then it was my turn. I too ended up with throat infection and fever and was out of order for about 3 days. I too had to rely on antibiotics.

As I was on the road to recovery, it was papa's turn. He's got the symptoms and suffered the same fate. Papa's condition was pretty bad. The first antibiotic prescribed by the doctor didn't work and he was still feverish on the 5th day (doctor suggested the dengue test). He went back and asked for a stronger one. Luckily the 2nd one worked.

I thought the nightmare was over when everyone was getting much better and then it started all over again. Sigh......

Hayley's cough and runny nose came back and because Zac have not recovered fully, he contracted it again as well. This time he ended up with the throat infection and his fever soared to 39.7 and his face was all red and shiny and scared the shit out of me. We gave him suppository and it only worked after about an hour! Doctor prescribed with him antibiotics again. He had fever for 3 days and requires lots of sponging and monitoring at night. The strange thing that we found out during his fever bout is that the side with the swelling is hotter than the other side. When we took his ear temperature, the right ear reads 38.5 and the left ear would read 39!

As for me, I got gastritis for the first time and was in pain the entire Sunday despite being on medication. Papa strangely was also feeling unwell on the same Sunday, fever and headache so can you imagine 2 sick adults watching over 2 sick kids?! It was really tough and time passed so slowly. The entire family was sleeping a lot on that Sunday.

It's been a week since the marathon and we're still recovering. Hayley's cough is gone but she's still sniffing slightly. Zac's cough is almost gone but his nose is still runny. Papa's fever is gone but occasionally still gets the headache. I am still on medication for my gastritis and is no longer in pain.

June and July was really tough on us. If I am not mistaken, I think the number of visits to child specialists and clinics in just that 2 months was somewhere between 10 - 15 times. Imagine that!

KIASUMOM is taking a break because.....

my daughter got HFMD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh Sigh Sigh.... I am praying very very hard that my boy will be spared but I am not hopeful. In the last few days they were playing so closely together, hugging and kissing.... oh GOD!!!!! Why do kids always have to get this from school??????

Please please give me the strength to get through this. Work is at its peak right now and it is really a bad time to take leave but I guess I have no choice. Where to send my kids if I don't stay home? The babysitter is caring for another baby so I am sure she will not like the idea of me sending my boy over (so I can separate them) since he may already been infected.

God is really putting me to the maximum test right now. I was sick last Wed and just got better and now I have to care for a sick child and a baby.

OK, have to go.. time to get some rest as I will have a lot of cleaning, disinfecting, washing and wiping to do in the next few days ... :-(

My very first flower from my girl

Some weeks back when I picked Hayley up from the babysitter she couldn't wait to pass something to me. She couldn't even wait until we get into the car. Right the door step of the babysitter's house, she opened her school bag and took out this:


Hayley: it's for you
Me: what is this?
Hayley: it's a flower, teacher made this
Me: what is it for?
Hayley: Happy Mother's Day

Then I reached for the flower and before I could even touch it she said

Hayley: wait, you have to say Gong Xi Fa Cai to me first (with her hands together doing the Gong Xi Fa Cai gesture)
Me: ah?????? [scratch head]

She got mixed up!!!!!! hahahahaha


Nevertheless, I still appreciate the flower and thank you my dear for a memorable Mother's Day!

How long can it last?

Since Zac was born, I or should I say WE have never had more than 6 hours of sleep straight in a night. I am just wondering how long our body can last without getting sufficient sleep and what damage it will do to us?

I sleep around 10 / 11pm each night with Hayley and will get up around 4am to express and take over the shift from papa. Papa will sleep from 4 / 5am and will need to get up around 7.30am to get Hayley ready for school (during which I am already on the way to drop off Zac and then to work). After dropping off Hayley at 8.15am, papa will return to continue his sleep until about noon. This routine sort of interrupted papa's work although he works from home.

Hopefully when Zac turned 6 months (just 1 more month to go), we can start training him to sleep through the night without feeds and I can relax a little on expressing and won't need to express so frequently anymore. Hopefully by then we can all get sufficient sleep each night.

Need more breast milk storage bottles/bags

Can anyone please recommend me what's the best method for storing breast milk in the freezer?

I have 8 Avent containers and 4 Avent 9oz bottles and they have all been used up. I need to get more containers for storing breast milk and not sure what's reliable, useful or efficient.

Can someone out there please help recommend me something good?

Meet my boy

Waiting....

I admitted into SDMC since 9.30am this morning. They shaved me, cleared my bowel, got me to fill up some forms and I am now waiting for the TIME. I think this waiting time is the most horrible in my life. Half of me is excited and the other half of me is nervous and not to mention I am hungry and thirsty. I kept staring at the clock! Dr Lee dropped by earlier to check on me and he told me that papa will not be allowed in the operating theatre, DAMN! I thought for once he could see it for himself what I have to go through, let him see how courageous I am and let him experience it all for the last time. Sigh... that is not going to happen again (the first time in Assunta and he was not allowed in as well) and I am so upset. Dr Lee said papa will get to see Bun in the recovery room and I will be wheeled out into the recovery room for about 45 mins after the surgery.

The most dreadful part of the entire process for me would be the insertion of the drip, the urine catherer and lastly the spinal anasthetic jab. Needles makes me weak. The nurses said these will happen in the OT itself. Although this was my 2nd c-sec, it was different the first time as I was wheeled in from the labour room into the OT and most of the preparation work was done in the labour room and everything happened so quickly.

I pray for courage and strength and a smooth delivery...

Out of order...

Tomorrow is finally THE DAY! After all the cleaning and washing and packing, I think I am done, I hope I am done and I didn't miss anything [OCD kicking in :-)].

I am not sure how soon I will be able to get back to blogging, to write or even to read your posts. But I promise to at least try to post up some updates and photos of Bun as soon as I can.

Don't miss me too much :-).

Bun's last check up

Saturday was Bun's last check up with Dr Lee. The next time we see Dr Lee, I will be on the operating table, naked and shivering (because of fear la) and with half of my body numbed and when it's all over I will have Bun in my arms and I will be in a lot of pain for days .... thinking of it alone is enough to cause me sleepness nights and I haven't been sleeping well in the past few nights because of the pain and because I could not find a comfortable spot - there is no comfortable spot!

I am officially off from work this week although I am still checking work emails occasionally in case my back up could not handle the 'shit' I left behind. I am trying to do a lot of last minute things such as cleaning, washing, packing, more cleaning, more washing and more packing. The weather hasn't been very co-operative, it's been raining everyday and my washing machine has been working non-stop. There seems to be no end in the things that I needed to wash and clean. I guess this is perfectly normal. I know I won't be able to clean and wash for at least a month or more so I am stressed out to get them all cleaned as much as I can now.

As of my last check up, I gained back 1 kg and current weight stands at 59.6kg. Dr Lee was delighted that I gained and he said everything is back to normal and I am ready for next Monday. Bun's head remained in the right position (ie bottom) but not engaged. Dr Lee said some babies especially 2nd pregnancies will only engage at the very last minute so it will be hard to tell if Bun will engage or not. Well, if Bun decides to come early, then we'll attempt natural based on the circumstances but if not, 1st Nov it will be.


We also managed to discuss about anasthetic with Dr Lee. Apparently there are 3 types - spinal, epidural and general anasthetic. I took the opportunity to ask him because for someone like me who has phobia towards needles, this is a BIG thing. I will even get weak knees when I had to go for my blood test and if the person drawing my blood is not skillful to do it quickly and at one go, I will faint, seriously.

Dr Lee explained that spinal is what most anasthetician would use for elective c-section, epidural injected in the empty space next to the spine is for natural birth and GA for elective c-section as well for those who would rather go to sleep during the surgery. Some anasthetician would use epidural for elective c-sec too. I had GA the first time and it was painless but the recovery was longer. I was groggy for a few hours and had to fast for 2 days and could not get down from bed for 2 days. I was told spinal would be painful when they jab into the spine but recovery would be faster. And since I am not planning for another child, I really wanted to build up enough courage to go through the surgery with a spinal jab. I wanted to see how or in this case hear how it was done. I just hope I won't chicken out at the last min.

Apart from worrying about which anasthetic to choose from and what have I not washed or cleaned, I am also constantly worried about the fact that in 4 more days I will have to manage 2 kids. Will I be able to do that? What will life be with 2 kids? How different will it be from now? I know many mothers have been through this and they survived and I will too, but I still can't stop myself from worrying and thinking too much. And you know what, we are going to put Hayley at the babysitter's for a few days when I am in the hospital and although that will only be happening in a few days, I am already feeling guilty and missing her like crazy even right now! Am I going insane or what????

The same guilt that I felt when I first found out I was pregnant that she will have to share my love with another sibling is back.... arghhh......

OK, I have to go and wash the bedsheets now.... tomorrow the curtains and strollers, Thurs the play pen.... hahaha

We've finally decided and then.....

Today, papa and I finally discussed and decided that c-sec it is. We weighed the pros and cons and made the decision. We even decided on the date and confirmed our arrangements with Dr Lee.

Then... we started hearing comments such as these.....

• aiyah, why c-sec, just think positive and surely you can go for natural one... last time people where got options.. die die also natural also can
• natural is good, it's a different experience, very memorable, unlike c-sec.. try it and you will know what I mean
• my friend's first child also c-sec and then second one natural and she said natural is better
• think positive, don't think you can't, think you can and you surely can
• why waste the money, try natural la, then you can save a few thousands
• last time my kid was 8 pounder and I also gave birth like that

To those who commented, I know you meant well, you meant to encourage me to try natural birth but I am not prepared to take the risk.

I am not going for c-sec because it is the easy way out. DEFINITELY NOT. I have never ever thought of that. Who would want to go under the knife if given a choice? You think c-sec doesn't come with pain??? I tried natural with my first child and because she didn't crown, I ended up suffering contractions for a couple of hours and then was told that I wasted my time and effort. Imagine my despair and my disappointment. It was not even beyond my control. My previous doctor could not explain why she didn't crown and until now I still didn't have any answers.

This time, Dr Lee said the same thing. His guess was because of my petite frame but it was just a guess. He said if Bun is about the same size as Hayley, very likely I will have the same problem. He did encourage me to try natural but he also warned me to be prepared to face the same trauma. He also warned that if I ended up using both the labor room and the OT, I will have to pay more. I am just not prepared to face the same trauma or disappointment again and we certainly do not wish to pay more.

Not only it is hard for us to make the decision, it is even harder for me to accept the fact that I am a loser. I feel like a loser because I cannot give birth to my babies naturally like most woman can, like how nature designed it or like how my mother gave birth to us or how my sister gave birth to her 2 girls. I guess I am not normal after all. The guilt alone is enough to kill me so please don't make it any worst.

Anyway, this will be the last time I am explaining my situation and I am not going to mention it anymore - I am bored of saying it over and over and yet people still don't get it. All I am asking for is just some support and understanding but if you can't do that, then please keep those comments to yourself.

Thankfully I have an understanding man by my side. He was there during the first time and he knew what I had to go through and supported my decision all along. I am so glad that I have him by my side to help me overcome my guilt.

I am so tired. I don't have me time.

I feel so tired on weekdays. And since I am pregnant, it only got worst. Today is one of those days where I just felt like doing nothing but unfortunately that is not possible.

Every weekday my routine is just so repetitive and time is so limited, I wish there would be 30 hours a day instead of just 24:

• before 7am, got up and get myself ready for work
• 7.20am, wake the rascal
• 7.30am, send rascal to the babysitter
• 8.30am/8.45am, reach office
• 5.45pm/6pm, leave office
• 6.30/6.45pm, reach home and pick up rascal from babysitter together with papa
• 6.45pm, rascal wants to either go to the playground or walk outside the house to the neighbour's to pick flowers or baby mangoes (from the ground of course). I will have to accompany her while papa cooks
  
• 7.15pm, dinner (if papa didn't cook then we eat out)
• 7.35pm, do the dishes while papa bathe the rascal
  
• 8pm, clean the kitchen, prepare fruits for dessert
• 8.30pm, have my bath
• 8.40pm, play with rascal/watch TV with her/drawing etc
  
• 9pm, we bring rascal to bed. She will have her last feed, papa will attend to her when she brushes her teeth or uses the toilet while I rest in bed.
  
• 9.30pm, story time
  
• 10.00/10.30pm, gone to lala land
  

It's the same thing everyday. I hardly have time to do anything for myself and I wonder what happens when the second one is out. I don't dare to think.

Whenever I feel low and demotivated, I will turn to rascal. Her hugs and kisses will make all the pain and tiredness magically disappears. Her 'I love you mummy' will make everything worthwhile and I will feel energised again just like popeye with his spinach!

Pain pain go away...

Today I was on MC as I woke up and couldn't get out of bed without being in pain. In fact the unbearable pain started around evening yesterday and this morning it still didn't go away.

It was the same pain I mentioned in my blog here just that this time it was unbearable and I didn't want to take chances. Immediately I called Dr Lee and made an appointment to see him. Unfortunately, there were no words of comfort from him despite me paying for consultation. In fact he told me that the pain might go away on its own in a few weeks or I may have to live with it until Bun was born... oh great, 4 more months to go!

The nurse who assisted Dr Lee told me she had the same problem as me and hers lasted until the baby was born - how comforting :-(.

Dr Lee said my placenta wasn't low anymore, it was normal but the pain could be caused by some joints and bones that are touching each other as my body continues to adapt to the growth of Bun. He said some unfortunate women will experience this and it is quite common especially for those who've had the first child.

The pain could go away in a few weeks but only to return towards the last trimester with a vengeance or the pain would linger on and becomes more and more painful towards the last trimester. Some women couldn't even walk when that happens and had to be on a wheelchair. Either one doesn't sound like sweet melodies to my ears.

Since he's got no remedies or medicine for me, I was advised to live with it, bear with it and make the best out of it. Find ways to walk, sleep or sit that won't hurt so much and try not to strain it by lifting heavy stuff or walk too much to make the 'so called injury' worsen.

The only comforting words I have from him today would be that everything was fine with Bun. That was the most important to me. As for the pain, I am sure I can bear with it, I just have to as I don't have a choice. I sometimes just wonder why I cannot have a problem free pregnancy like most people do. I truly envy them. I know I shouldn't compare but sometimes I just can't help it.

On the other hand, I do sincerely thank God for giving me my babies whenever I want them as I know some people have been through even more (physically, emotionally and financially) and yet still couldn't becomes mommies. For that I am truly truly thankful.

I kept telling papa that this will be the last. No more and I hope I don't get tempted 2 or 3 years down the road to have the 3rd! If that happens, please remind me! :-)

By the way, for the record, I gained 600 grams in 12 days, my dieting seems to have worked :-)

Motherhood and me

To me, in BRIEF motherhood means:

Transforming from fab to fat.

Increasing the headcount from 2 to 3

Simple? Well not actually. Motherhood really changed me and brings out the strength in me that I didn't know I had. It was the greatest challenge ever and a challenge that strangely I was able to overcome naturally. I was always worried that I didn't know how to hold a baby, didn't know how to bath a baby (what if I drowned her), didn't know how much to feed a baby (what if I overfed her and she puked) but the answers all came naturally. The biggest fear in me before embracing motherhood was WILL I BE READY? Being someone who is always on the go, on the move, will I be ready to get settled and be committed to a baby and be confined to home? I didn't have the answer when it all suddenly happened 2 years ago.

When I told papa I was ready to conceive and we should start trying now, we tried and hit the jackpot. When we found out I was pregnant, we both have mixed reactions - we were happy that we got what we wanted but then we started questioning ourselves if we are truly ready and if this is what we really want... we didn't expect it to happen so soon.

After a few days/weeks the reality sank in and we began to enjoy the fact that we are finally going to be parents. Seeing the little heart beat on the ultrasound for the first time strenghten our belief that we are truly ready. Unfortunately the joy was shortlived. I was diagnosed with threaten miscarriage and was continuously spotting for weeks (dark brown discharge) and had bleeding (bright red blood) with blood clots as big as half the size of my palm that came out of me twice during those weeks. I was told to rest until after the 1st trimester. So I spent 2 weeks on MC at home and 2 more weeks working from home until everything finally stabilizes. Papa was my pillar of strength during those troubled times, bringing me lunch and dinner, fetching my water, fetching me the potty when I wanted to puke etc and we finally pulled through. The fear of losing the baby was more than words could describe. Seeing the clot in my hands (thinking it was the foetus) TWICE almost killed me emotionally.

Thankfully it all went well and I had quite a smooth pregnancy thereafter. Hardly any cravings, hardly any night cramping, hardly any backache but lots of Braxton Hicks. The ugly stretch marks came during the last 2 months and they're still visible today :-(.

Fast forward a few months later, Hayley arrived on Valentine's Day. So yes, I suffered on Valentine's Day. No flowers, no candle light dinner, just pain and a big reward awaits me at the end of the ordeal. Due to some complications, I had a c-sec in the end. My Valentine's Day gift arrived at 1.30pm that faithful day. After she was born and we took her home, the reality sank in for both of us. I was depressed for a few days because I was in pain, I wasn't sleeping well, I was engorging, I was stressed as I wasn't producing enough milk, I was smelly and sticky all over (cause I was not allowed to bath) and to top it all I was having a fever! I didn't feel bonded to Hayley at that time and didn't feel the love for her, was wondering if I was going mad, how could I not love my child? Papa on the other was tired as he had to travel to my mom's where I was confining and back to our own home to make sure everything was in order and was lack of sleep and seeing me suffer and in pain hurts him more.

2 weeks later I was bleeding a lot and was admitted back to the hospital. I had an infection in the uterus. I was separated from my baby of 2 weeks for 3 days. I cried myself to sleep every night alone in the hospital although papa did pop by to visit everyday. Then on, my love for her grew by the minute. I finally felt what it was like to be a mother and to love a child unconditionally. The feeling just came like that... like magic...with no warning... I was hooked...

When I got back home, I finished my confinement, enjoyed every minute I have with her and took her back to our own home for her fullmoon. I spent the next month looking after her by myself with no help. Never knew I had that strength in me. She did fall sick occasionally and like most kiasu mothers I watched her like a hawk. Ignoring my own health and I was constantly falling sick a lot too.

After she came, our lives changed tremendously. For me, I no longer have time for dancing, which I used to love so much. I used to dance after work and on weekends and it brings me great satisfaction to be on stage. Although the fire is still in me, the love for her and to be with her were much stronger. I had to pick one and I picked her. I also lost some friends because I didn't have time to keep in touch as I was too busy learning to be a perfect mom. I had to juggle work, being a mother and a wife all at the same time. I no longer shop at the ladies department or shoes department, I head straight to the babies/kids corner. A blouse that cost RM80 will make me think twice but a toy for her that cost RM100, I will buy instantly if she likes it. That is how I have changed....

Being the kiasu mom, I was constantly worried that she's not gaining enough weight, not eating enough, not learning enough, not clean enough, not sleeping enough and the list goes on and on.

Motherhood brings out the best, the ugly, the worst and the hero in me. I am still learning and juggling everyday but seeing her grow healthily from day to day is what makes me happiest and proud. All the sacrifices we made, all the sleepless nights we endured, all the pain we went through and all the kac$ing we spent on her is definitely worth every penny. And yes, 2 years later, I can proudly say that I am committed to her and I am able to change my lifestyle just for her and I don't mind being confined to home with her!

Bao bei, you know you meant the world to us. We just hope you continue to grow to be a good person and to enjoy your life happily and healthily all the way. You have no idea how much we love you.....

Our pride and joy

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to me and all the lovely mommy bloggers out there!

Note: this post was written for a contest organised by Agnes Loke which I found out via Alice Law's blog :-). My very first attempt! :-)