Do you love me or not?

Recently my soon to be 4 year old girl is constantly asking everyone in the family especially me and the papa that question.

Is it common for the first child to behave this way when they have a younger sibling who is at the moment getting more attention from the parents? Is that a sign of insecurity or sibling rivalry? Are we not juggling our love correctly between the kids resulting in such a behaviour? Should I be alarm? What should I do?

Of late she is showing a lot of unacceptable behaviours which warrants some whacking (on top of the usual reasoning, explaining, scolding, warning and punishing) - running and playing in the middle of the road despite us telling her many times that it is dangerous (if you asked her what she did wrong, she can tell you that she cannot play on the road as there will be oncoming cars), throwing up food whenever she feels like it, most of the time with the excuse that it was too big a spoon and it made no difference if we're feeding her or she was feeding herself or if we're eating at home or eating out (sometimes we only give her half a teaspoon and she still said it was too big), not listening to what we say and intentionally not doing what we repeatedly asked her to and many more....

I know kids will be kids and we can't expect them to be perfect at all times but as a parent I believe we also need to teach them from young on what's dangerous and acceptable and what's not and we will use whatever method that works. Having read many blogs written by mothers who I look up to in parenting, I know whacking is not the best solution and I don't like doing it too but sometimes I just don't know what else to do or how else to send the message across to her. Whenever she misbehaves, I always start by reasoning and explaining and if she still repeats the same after a few times then I will move on to warning and scolding. If that didn't work it will be punishing (usually we'll make her stand at a corner by herself staring at the wall and she will cry and cry) and lastly we'll use the cane. No matter what methods were used, we always explain to her at the end of it why we did what we did to hopefully help her understand.

I am really at my wits end on how to handle this girl of mine at this stage. I hope this will only be temporary and she will learn to understand better as she gets older. Can anyone please tell me at what age things will start making sense to them?

I do constantly tell her I love her and her brother (trying to instill in her head that I love both the same no matter what) but everytime after an unhappy episode be it scolding or punishing or whacking or even a simple thing where I don't oblige what she wants then she will say that I don't love her and will wrap her arms around herself and show me that she is unhappy. She will only show me her happy face again when I say I love her.

Whenever I am home she will want me to do everything for her such as bathing her, feeding her, brushing teeth with her, making her milk, playing with her etc. She won't want the maid or the papa. It feels like she's trying to tell me she wants my attention and I am trying to give her my undivided attention as much as I can (which is very hard with a 1 year old around) and I hope every little effort I am putting in will make a difference.

Looking at her reactions, I also sometimes wonder if I actually caused this. You see, the maid helps me with Hayley when I am at work and on weekends and I don't usually let the maid handle Zac as I don't trust her with a toddler (she tends to be forgetful and careless). So I usually will bath, feed and attend to Zac myself on weekends while she helps me with Hayley. Before having the maid, I will attend to both myself. I am wondering if she's taking this negatively that I don't care for her anymore and leaving her to the maid? I wish I can just get into her head and understand what she's thinking.

I actually did think of this before and tried attending to both kids myself on weekends and was told off by some people that I should not do that now that I have a maid. I was constantly asked what's the point of having a maid if I still have to do everything myself? Anyway, from this weekend onwards I am going to brush aside what others have to say and try changing my approach and see if it will help.

Sigh.... with 2 kids I am already at wits end. I really salute parents with 3 or more kids and doing it wonderfully.

Super moms!

When Zac was a few months old a friend of mine introduced me to a Breastfeeding Network on Facebook. The members on this network helps and encourage each other on breastfeeding and discuss and share knowledge on how to give the best to our babies. Gina Yong, the famous breastfeeding guru is also on this network and she is quite active in giving advices too.

When I started reading the posts on this network, it made me feel like crappy mom. Some of the moms are really amazing I tell you. I just don't know how they did what they did. Here are some of the things that made me go 'WHOAAAAAAA.........'. Let me know if you feel the same too :)

1. Most of them breastfed their babies exclusively until they are 3 or 4! Some even continue to breastfeed several kids (eg feeding the 3 and 4 year olds while still pregnant with the next one).
2. Some of these mothers have so much milk that they actually 'donate' their milk to babies in orphanages or use their milk to make breast milk soap.
3. Some of the mothers are also strongly against vaccinations, even the compulsory ones. I know of one who had 3 kids (pregnant with No 4) and all her kids have not been jabbed before, not a single one. She claimed that all these vaccinations actually make the babies sick. According to her (she said she made a lot of research herself), babies are born healthy and all these vaccinations with chemical contents that are actually harmful to small babies who cannot tolerate them will only make them worst. Also according to her, her kids have never been seriously sick, just the usual flu and cough and they usually heal very fast and they have NEVER been to the doctors. She however do supplement her kids with Vit C and VCO (Virgin Coconut Oil). Whenever the kids are not well, she will boost their Vit C intake, that's all.

So, are you feeling crappy yet?

I have given my kids all the jabs in the world (kiasi), even the not compulsory ones and now I felt like I have failed my kids by injecting them with poisons and not to mention those antibiotics they have taken due to their sensitive throat since they were babies.

Although I hate going in there to read the posts (as they make me feel crappy) but it honestly does provide a lot of useful tips and infor in bringing up kids the healthy way. I am surely going to get some of those Vit Cs and VCOs for my kids now :)

A week of torture

The past week have been a nightmare... Zac decided that he somehow got bored of his routine and wanted to 'try' something new.. lol...

For the entire week he refused to sleep at night. He would sleep from 9pm till 12/1am and then will demand for milk. After milk he refused to go back to sleep and wanted to play or watch TV. He would then nap for an hour (after he got bored) and then fuss until given milk around 3/4am. Thereafter it would be PLAY TIME all the way! Papa and I were zombified - sleep standing will not be an issue!

He would make so much noise that he would wake the entire household aka ME! Luckily he didn't wake the sister but I bet he disturbed the neighbours too.

Thankfully it all changed after a round of shopping trip on Sunday. We went out around 1pm and he didn't nap for 4 hours straight (cause I guess he was too excited with all the people and surroundings or maybe he just dislike napping in the stroller just like the sister) that he knocked off from 5pm all the way till 7am in the morning. He only woke up twice for feeds with no issues going back to sleep on his own. Yesterday night he was the same :-). Fingers crossed that he will remain with this sleeping habit. Maybe I should bring him out 'shopping' more often on weekends... hehehe

When I told my friends about this, the only question they asked me is 'did he sleep too much in the day?'. Well good question. I suspected so as well but then when I confronted the babysitter she said he slept like usual in the day. Well, I guess that is the price to pay when you are not taking care of your kids yourself...

Shh... Quiet!

When papa and I used to chat in the car with the rascal around she will often interrupt us by talking loudly or calling me or doing all sorts of things/noises to attract my attention. She started doing those nuisances since she was much younger. Whenever she does that, I will tell her to "shh.... quiet, mummy and papa talking, you cannot interrupt, that is very rude".

After saying the same things to her a couple of times, she started picking up the first two words ie "shhh.... quiet" since young. Sometimes she will say it in a soft manner, sometimes demanding.

She will sometimes use those 2 words on me when she did something naughty and I scolded her. She will sometimes use those 2 words on me when papa and I were talking in the car trying to stop us from talking and she also uses those 2 words on me sometimes even when the situation does not require her to ie saying it for a situation that does not fit.

Today, the babysitter confronted me. She asked if we (papa and me) talk very loud at home and if we argue a lot. I told her we definitely do not argue much and we don't talk very loud at home except when we're scolding the rascal or calling for her when she run to the kitchen or to other rooms etc. The babysitter then adds that rascal got affected by us talking loudly or arguing loudly. She said they don't talk loudly at home so she must have got affected by us. That got me scratching my head, what the heck is she talking about?

Then she said yesterday while in the car, obviously her husband and her were taking rascal somewhere and they were chatting and rascal used the 2 words on her. She said it was the first time she heard it although we've heard it many many months ago. I told her not worry about it as rascal was probably just copying us and I constantly reminded her not to say those words whenever she uses it and I told the babysitter to do the same if she heard it again. The fact that she only heard it for the first time yesterday was solid proof that rascal was using the 2 words lesser than before.

The babysitter then adds again that we have to be careful with our actions and words as we will affect or scar a child badly. It will be worst when they reach 8 or 9 years old. I know she meant well but sometimes I think it is not necessary to be overly worried. Kids will be kids and they will pick up all the good and bad. As parents, of course we try our best to set the best examples but we're humans, we make mistakes too and sometimes even we don't notice when we did.

As long as our conscience is clear, I think we should not worry too much and enjoy parenthood.

Do kids know when they are lying?

Some interesting conversations with my 2 year 5 months old got me thinking.

• Do kids know how to lie?
• Do they even know they're lying?
• Or are they just implying whatever that comes to mind ie whatever we've been indrectly teaching/showing them?

Scenario 1
I saw some bruises on her feet, obviously from her constant running around, climbing and bumping into furnitures.

Me: why your feet got so many scars? (she knows the word scar but don't really know what a bruise means yet)
Hayley: because papa pinch me, mummy pinch me lor
Me: when did papa or mummy pinch you?
Hayley: huh?!
Me: repeat my question again
Hayley: huh?!

This can go on and on.....

Scenario 2
She was scratching her ears until they bled

Me: what's wrong with your ear?
Hayley: because I notty papa beat me lor
Me: when did papa beat you?
Hayley: ha?!
Me: repeat my question again?
Hayley: ha?!

Again this can go on and on......

Scenario 3
Papa and I were talking in the car and she didn't want to be left out

Hayley: calling me or making all sorts of sounds trying to get my attention
Me: Shhh... mummy and papa talking, you cannot interrupt, mummy will talk to you after this ok? You cannot be so rude..
Hayley: Shhh.... keep quiet, if not papa will beat you!

*FAINT*

Maybe we have used the word beat too much in the past and it's now haunting us.

I am so tired. I don't have me time.

I feel so tired on weekdays. And since I am pregnant, it only got worst. Today is one of those days where I just felt like doing nothing but unfortunately that is not possible.

Every weekday my routine is just so repetitive and time is so limited, I wish there would be 30 hours a day instead of just 24:

• before 7am, got up and get myself ready for work
• 7.20am, wake the rascal
• 7.30am, send rascal to the babysitter
• 8.30am/8.45am, reach office
• 5.45pm/6pm, leave office
• 6.30/6.45pm, reach home and pick up rascal from babysitter together with papa
• 6.45pm, rascal wants to either go to the playground or walk outside the house to the neighbour's to pick flowers or baby mangoes (from the ground of course). I will have to accompany her while papa cooks
  
• 7.15pm, dinner (if papa didn't cook then we eat out)
• 7.35pm, do the dishes while papa bathe the rascal
  
• 8pm, clean the kitchen, prepare fruits for dessert
• 8.30pm, have my bath
• 8.40pm, play with rascal/watch TV with her/drawing etc
  
• 9pm, we bring rascal to bed. She will have her last feed, papa will attend to her when she brushes her teeth or uses the toilet while I rest in bed.
  
• 9.30pm, story time
  
• 10.00/10.30pm, gone to lala land
  

It's the same thing everyday. I hardly have time to do anything for myself and I wonder what happens when the second one is out. I don't dare to think.

Whenever I feel low and demotivated, I will turn to rascal. Her hugs and kisses will make all the pain and tiredness magically disappears. Her 'I love you mummy' will make everything worthwhile and I will feel energised again just like popeye with his spinach!

To whack or not to whack?

I was introduced to Domestic Goddess's blog by Alice sometime ago and will occasionally drop in when I spotted some interesting posts. I love her posts and the ideas she has on bringing up her 2 boys. She's a very dedicated mom and I salute her! Today she wrote about whether as parents we should or should not whack our child. Read the full post here.

Like most parents, having a rotan at home is a necessity. I have a few. 1 in the car, 1 in the room, a few in the living room. They keep me sane when she misbehaved at the restaurant or at the mall or even in the car.

Anyway back to the topic, Domestic Goddess made me realise that whacking my child is not the right way to bring up a good kid. Many a times I would lose my patience and in order to get what I want out of her, I just take out the magic sword either to intimidate (mostly this) or whack and it often works. That was clearly the quickest and easiest way. But I failed to ask myself 'for how long?' and 'what would the consequences be?' and 'when do I draw the line?'. I only see the current and didn't really think about the future.

Today, after reading the post I had a short discussion with papa and agreed that we will TRY not to use the rotan from now on. Not to intimidate or whack. We will talk to her and explain to her as patiently as we can (those who know my monster will know how tough this would be and how much effort we need to put in to achieve this). We know it will be hard, it will be VERY hard and papa almost gave up a couple of times in the last 3 hours but I encouraged him to hang in there. I too almost gave up when she refused to eat the kiwi fruit or put on her pyjamas or keep her toys back in the toy box and papa simply laughed at me.

Well, glad to say that we didn't need the rotan's help today today which was rare, most probably because of the short hours we have with her, but considered a good start for us. Let's see how it will be come the weekend when we have to babysit her for 24 hours!

PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE aaaummmmmmm ..............