My babysitter is driving me up the wall

First my son and now my babysitter. Isn't life great?! :-(

Every morning when I send my son to her or when we pick him up in the evening there will definitely be 'things' to hear. Sometimes it will be the same 'things' over and over and I am just so so bored. And for some reasons she only targets me, not papa.

My babysitter told me she has many years of experience being a babysitter and during her younger days she even worked in a playschool/kindergarten so she knows all about babies, kids and playschool. I honestly don't know what she knows. All I know is she likes to use all the 'old school' methods in bringing up kids. Some I am fine with, some I am not but similar to having a maid, I just have to close one eye, sometimes I close both eyes.

There are so many things that she do or say which drives me literally up the wall. You be my judge:

1. likes to use powder on my kids, both my kids. Said lotion is bad for them. Go figure!
2. thinks she's my breastfeeding guru. Suggests that my way of storing, warming and transporting milk could be the cause of Zac's constant throw up after feeds. To me it was nothing alarming as he's constantly growing, to her, it seems like the end of the world. She even suggests that Zac could be intolerant to breast milk!
   
3. wants to give water to Zac who is 100% on breast milk. Said she is worried that he might not want water when he's on formula next time if we don't start the habit now (this is ok la, I can accept)
   
4. prefers to let babies wear their mittens until 6 - 8 months old. Said she didn't want them to scratch their faces. When will Zac be able to learn how to grip? I also don't know.
5. 3 years ago - your daughter got a lot of wind. 3 years later - your son got a lot of wind. Could it be the breast milk?, you didn't feed them properly?, you didn't burp them? Seems to be my fault all the time!
6. prefers scheduled feeding. Said it will be better and easier for us (I wonder if it's easier for her or for us?!). She is trying to train my son to drink every 3 hours. Told her it's breast milk, some diluted some thick so follow his demand. She said can be trained. My poor boy.
   
7. whine and whine. Everyday telling me I have a very difficult boy and I am going to suffer when he grow up. Said the same thing during Hayley's time and now she said my boy is worst than Hayley.
   
8. against child specialist. She claimed that doctors doesn't know everything.
9. change her opinion or facts very frequently. I asked her to give Hayley cheese, one a day will be ok. She said cheese is not good for kids, too salty and I should not give her everyday. But everyday when I pick Hayley up, she's eating cheese... and this is just one of the many incidences.
   
10. spoil my kids - Hayley at age 3 is very choosy with food. I try to force her to eat everything at home and she will tell me not to force her. Asked me to be patient as she will change when she grow up. If she can advise me as such, I wonder what Hayley is eating when she's at her place? I don't dare to think.
    

The list can go on and on. I am sure some of you will be wondering why I am still sending my kids to her when I am so unhappy with her. Well there are several reasons:

1. she is the only babysitter I know and she charged a very reasonable price
   
2. although she isn't perfect, I know she love my daughter (will need to give her some more time to love my son). This is the most important factor to me.
   
3. she is flexible and easy to deal with ie not calculative.
4. my daughter seems to be happy going to her place indicating that she is well treated (you need to be worried if your kids refused to go to the babysitter's as something could be wrong)
   

I am feeling so much better after pouring these out.. thanks for reading :-)

Time to let go..

Tomorrow Zac is officially going to the babysitter's and I am already beginning to miss him. Sigh.. why does it have to be so hard everytime! I think I am going crazy. It is not like I am not going to see him in the evening but still I find it so hard to let go.

We are sending him a week early (I start work on the 14th) to give the babysitter and myself sometime to adjust. She and her husband needs to manage a 3 year old (half day), a 6 months old and a 3 months old full day. I really really hope she can cope.

The last 3 months although tiring, has been very fulfilling to see how he has grown. Every minute spent with him was a joy. I really envy those mothers who can quit their jobs to stay home permanently with their kids. Teaching them, loving them and guiding them the right way, all the way.

Sigh.. I am so going to cry tomorrow and papa already told me he didn't want to come with me tomorrow as he didn't want to see me cry. How not to miss this la....

Shh... Quiet!

When papa and I used to chat in the car with the rascal around she will often interrupt us by talking loudly or calling me or doing all sorts of things/noises to attract my attention. She started doing those nuisances since she was much younger. Whenever she does that, I will tell her to "shh.... quiet, mummy and papa talking, you cannot interrupt, that is very rude".

After saying the same things to her a couple of times, she started picking up the first two words ie "shhh.... quiet" since young. Sometimes she will say it in a soft manner, sometimes demanding.

She will sometimes use those 2 words on me when she did something naughty and I scolded her. She will sometimes use those 2 words on me when papa and I were talking in the car trying to stop us from talking and she also uses those 2 words on me sometimes even when the situation does not require her to ie saying it for a situation that does not fit.

Today, the babysitter confronted me. She asked if we (papa and me) talk very loud at home and if we argue a lot. I told her we definitely do not argue much and we don't talk very loud at home except when we're scolding the rascal or calling for her when she run to the kitchen or to other rooms etc. The babysitter then adds that rascal got affected by us talking loudly or arguing loudly. She said they don't talk loudly at home so she must have got affected by us. That got me scratching my head, what the heck is she talking about?

Then she said yesterday while in the car, obviously her husband and her were taking rascal somewhere and they were chatting and rascal used the 2 words on her. She said it was the first time she heard it although we've heard it many many months ago. I told her not worry about it as rascal was probably just copying us and I constantly reminded her not to say those words whenever she uses it and I told the babysitter to do the same if she heard it again. The fact that she only heard it for the first time yesterday was solid proof that rascal was using the 2 words lesser than before.

The babysitter then adds again that we have to be careful with our actions and words as we will affect or scar a child badly. It will be worst when they reach 8 or 9 years old. I know she meant well but sometimes I think it is not necessary to be overly worried. Kids will be kids and they will pick up all the good and bad. As parents, of course we try our best to set the best examples but we're humans, we make mistakes too and sometimes even we don't notice when we did.

As long as our conscience is clear, I think we should not worry too much and enjoy parenthood.

Junk food

Just a quick post on the 'junk food' (ie food that I won't give her myself) my daughter knows at her current age:

- kopi (whenever she see her papa drinking from a cup, she will say kopi)
- bena (she meant ribena)
- Donald (that's McDonald)
- i klim (ice cream)
- kokolat (chocolate and she normally refer them to chocolate biscuits or chocolate wafer)

Some of the other things she she doesn't know how to say yet but have tasted are: Mamee, muruku (she had it at 8 months) and I am sure there are more which I do not know yet. I discovered she had them at the babysitter's because I could smell them from her mouth when I pick her up in the evening.

When I confront my babysitter, she said this 'you have to let them taste all sorts of things and in different textures so they won't reject it later, but I only give her a little bit la'.

What else can I do or say to stop all this?

Terrible 'not even' Two

When Life as a mummy wrote about the Terrible-Twos stage about a month ago, I commented telling her how lucky she was to only start experiencing this stage when her son Ryan turned two.

Hayley started the terrible twos even before she turned two. In fact it started when she was 19 months old! She is now 20 months old and its getting really unbearable. Our babysitter often comments that baby girls are always ahead in everything during the early stages, I guess this is why the nightmare came early.

Here are some of the things that she does which makes us go bananas:

1. pouring water out from her bottle onto everywhere, tables, chairs, sofas, cushions etc
2. spitting water out from her mouth
3. playing with her saliva
4. disobeying instructions on purpose - ie testing the limits, touching things she knows she cannot touch and repeating the same action even after we said no
5. shouting loudly be it in public or at home, especially when she's looking for either one of us
6. the more you call for her, the further she will run from you
7. no longer afraid of getting flicked or caned

Papa was just commenting today that no wonder there are abuse cases. When kids are at their worst, they can be so terrible that parents or caretakers will sometimes loose their senses. A simple advise for parent wannabes, please make sure you are ready for the challenges and responsibilities before starting a family. This is not an easy game and there are no reset or end button. It's a game that you will have to play for at least 25 years!

We wonder how some parents can manage 2, 3 or 4 kids at the same time. We salute them! We are both so tired running after 1.

Apart from the stubborness and terrible behaviours, Hayley was also cutting her molars. My poor girl. She was having flu (since Thurs till today) and fever (on Thurs night) and was really cranky and attached. Her papa can't bathe her, can't take her to the toilet, can't feed her and can't even sleep next to her. Everything has to be MUMMY! Mummy can't even go to the toilet in peace :-(

We hope this stage will pass very very soon. Can Dibo please grant me a wish? :-)

Muruku v Hayley

To my shocking horror, when I picked up Hayley from the babysitter yesterday evening, she was holding on to a piece of muruku, biting and sucking it! My God! A 14 month old eating muruku!

I was so shocked I didn't know what to say or how to react. I have told the babysitter many times not to introduce junk food or anything unhealthy to Hayley, especially not at such tender age. I wouldn't mind introducing them when she was 18 months or better still 24 months but definitely not at 14 months!

And what about choking? Muruku is pretty hard and with only 4 incisors teeth, no way she can chew that piece of thing. I am so so so upset. I have said what I needed to say, I have instructed enough but yet she still prefers to do things her way. And her argument is that we need to introduce varieties to toddlers else they will be picky eater and she said whenever she gave her food, she will watch her eat and make sure she doesn't choke. Harlo, have you not heard of ACCIDENTS?! sigh..

At that moment in time, I wish I was a SAHM so I can look after my little girl by myself. Feed her with only the healthiest stuff.

Don't get me wrong, the babysitter is a great person and she loves Hayley to bits and Hayley is very attached to her. I feel safe when sending Hayley to her in the morning and that assurance is very important to me. Although I do not agree to some of her old fashion babysitting culture, I have to admit that she's doing a good job overall. I guess it will be hard to find someone perfect so I will just have to close one eye on this and continue to nicely tell her not to feed my baby with junk food and hopefully one day she will come to her senses!

THE UGLY: She threw tantrums, bit and smack others, who taught her?

My little girl have started showing the ugly side at just 14 months old. She threw tantrums, bit and smack others!

The tantrums
The first time was when we were in Genting and we let her walkabout and she headed towards the escalator. The papa quickly grabbed her by the armpit and at that very moment, she refused to stand up, sat on the floor and stamp her legs against the floor in protest!

The second incident happened yesterday when we were having lunch at a restaurant. We saw a dog and showed it to her. She love dogs. After a while we told her to go and she refused and again sat on the floor (the very oily floor) and stamp both her legs while shouting in protest!

I smack her buttocks slightly and thankfully she stopped immediately without much fuss.

She bites
She also started biting people lately. Not sure if she's aware that she's hurting people or maybe she thinks she's just playing. Anyway, it isn't fun to get bitten as she's got 4 solid teeth. So far I know she did it on me and the poor little boy at the babysitter's and each time she does it, I will tell her its wrong and smack her.

The first time when she bit me was when I asked her to kiss me on the cheek. She kissed and then followed by an unexpected bite :-(

She smacks
She also started smacking me on the hands and face lately. The papa says she's bullying me. Have not heard complaints from the babysitter about her bullying the little boy there though. Again she may not realise that what she did was wrong and she may think that she's just playing with me.

I honestly do not know where she learnt all the above from. The boy at the babysitter doesn't do them (according to the babysitter but I am not sure if that's true) and there is no one else at home for her to learn from. I really wonder. It could be from the TV but I am rather careful with what she watches at home but again I can't control what she watches at the babysitter's. My sister said she could have picked up all these to stay competitive at the babysitter's and to attract attention. Her eldest daughter doesn't behave like that but her youngest behaves just the same. Could it be rivalry?

I hope they are just temporary as she continues to learn what is right and wrong and I will not hesitate to smack her to make sure she knows. I have also asked the babysitter to co-operate by doing the same and I hope she will as I do not want to have a spoilt brat.

Would you recommend a maid?

I received an email from a friend attached with 2 movie clips. The title of the email said 'beware if you have a maid at home, install CCTV'. I knew then what to expect from the movies. As I have a very weak heart, I was hesitant to watch the movies. I do not want to end up crying in the office. In the end, I watched it.

The 1st movie was taken in Singapore (it was labelled) and the maid was attending to a baby (probably 6 - 8 months of age). The baby was crying and the maid 'slammed' the baby onto the sofa and changing bed several times. The maid then handled the baby very roughly and lifted the baby up merely holding its tiny feet. I was disturbed. I held back tears.

Then I went on to watch the 2nd movie. This was less horrific as it involved a toddler. The little one would probably be about 1.5 - 2 years old. The maid threw him onto the sofa and repeatedly slap the face and head. The boy screamed for help but help never came.

I managed to hold back tears but couldn't help but wonder why would there be such 'ANIMALS' out there. These are young innocent babies and children. Even if they are not yours, you should not treat them like that. I just couldn't understand it. Ever since I became a mom, I am very emotional and get overly upset when I see or hear stories about babies or kids being ill treated. I told some of my friends not to send them to me. I do not wish to see it! Once I've seen or heard it, they disturbed me for days and sometimes weeks. I wish I am home now hugging and kissing my baby [sigh]

My hubby and I have been thinking if we should get a maid. As we are planning to have a 2nd child (not sure when), I desperately need a maid at home. I need someone to help with the cleaning and washing and also to look after the kids when I am at work. Hubby works from home but he too needs to be out for several hours (2 - 3) a day and those 2 - 3 hours of leaving the kids with the maid alone worries me. And we can't afford to send the kids to a babysitter and yet keep a maid at the same time. That would be too costly. But if we don't have a maid, how am I going to juggle 2 kids and housework and cleaning at the same time? I'm no superwoman :-(

My sis got a maid when she was pregnant with Caitlyn. So the maid has now worked for her for a year. My sis was lucky as her maid is fantastic. Caitlyn is very attached to her. If your kid is attached to the maid, you can probably rest assured that the maid treats her well :-). I don't think my sis can survive without a maid - imagine looking after 2 kids, washing and ironing for 4, cooking and cleaning a double storey terrace house with a dog! If I am going to have 2 kids, I would be in the same shoes MINUS the cooking and the dog :-).

So until we make up our mind if we want a maid, baby no 2 won't be coming so soon. Some friends suggested that I install CCTV at home. CCTV is just a one time cost, it means nothing. I ask them what if I saw the maid torturing the baby? It already happened and the damage is done. Although I caught her red handed, I cannot rewind and undo the damage she did to the baby. I am responsible for my baby and I cannot let things like this happen. Maybe I think too far and too much and too soon, but we all need to plan ahead right? :-)

And and... with my bad temper, I hope I won't end up hurting the maid (if she tortured my baby) and going to jail myself. No joke man...

Flower bath

I thought by now I would see a definite sleep pattern in Hayley but I was wrong. Her patterns changes like the weather. Sometimes she would sleep throughout from 9pm till 7am, sometimes she wakes up a few times in the night and sometimes she fusses the moment we put her in the cot. These patterns tends to last a few days before it changes again.

The same goes for her afternoon naps. Although she is tired (rubbing her eyes and nose and yawning away), she is not the type of baby who would fall asleep on her own. I don't put her in a cradle nor does she get a pacifier. So in order to put her to sleep, I will need to gently pat her buttocks. It can either be with her lying face down on the bed or me carrying her with her head resting on my shoulders. It all depends on her moods and what she prefers. Either way she would still cry (without tears most of the time) until she falls asleep. Her naps are often very short. Mostly 30 mins to an hour and occasionally between 1.5 - 2 hours.

Last weeked was terrible. I think it was becuase of the jab on Saturday. She became very cranky and fusses more than usual whenever we tried to put her to sleep be it in the afternoon or night. I became a zombie over the weekend due to lack of sleep. She would wake up every 2 or 3 hours in the night crying. I will need to carry her out of the cot and pat her until she falls asleep again. This went on for 2 nights. The papa tried to help but she refused him.

When I brought her to aunty's on Monday morning, I told aunty my dilemma. Aunty believes she got frightened (maybe because of the jab) hence the night crying. When I pick Hayley up in the evening aunty told me she gave her a flower bath (flowers used in Chinese prayers). She said after the bath, Hayley napped for long hours in the afternoon without any fuss. She also said that Hayley would also sleep well in the night after the bath and I really hope she is right.

That night she really did sleep throughout the night! She did wake up once with some light cries but then she went back to sleep on her own without needing us to pat or carry her. That was amazing. The consecutive nights were even better. She slept throughout until I woke her at 7am. The best thing about this is she doesn't fuss anymore when we put her in the cot or when we pat her gently to help her sleep. It doesn't sound like she's being forced to sleep anymore.

I hope this pattern would stay for good. I had 2 nights of good sleep and I am looking for another good night sleep tonight :-)

This may be a superstitions or this may be true. I don't really know but since it is harmless to my baby, I don't mind trying and I am glad it turned out well.

I finally poo-ed

I finally poo-ed today which is the 3rd day and boy was mummy relieved. However, aunty told mummy that I poo-ed twice. The 1st time only a small little piece which was hard came out. The second time I bombed 'KL' :-). Aunty also told mummy that I cried when I poo-ed, maybe the stool was too hard.

What could have caused it? The Enfalac A+ milk? The solid food? Well, it is something that mummy will need to observe and find out. I have been having the same brand of milk and the same solid food for the last 3 months (although with different ingredients) and this is the first time I am having problems with hard stool. Maybe I just didn't get enough water?!

I love food

I love to eat anything and everything. In one of the earlier post, mummy mentioned that I hate bananas, I don't anymore :-). I love bananas now. I have tasted peaches, pear, red apple, papaya (Hawaii solo only) and bananas (pisang emas) and I love all of them.

This is what I eat every weekend (which may differ slightly from weekday because aunty ie the babysitter didn't really like to follow mummy's routine but I am ok la, not too picky):

7.30/8am - 7oz milk
10.30am - cereal with milk and pureed fruits (pear or apple). Mummy uses 2oz of milk
11.30am - 3oz of milk
1.30pm - porridge with pork, dried scallop, vege (spinach/broccoli), peas and carrot/sweet potato
5.30pm - porridge again
8.30pm - 7oz milk

I get water in between all the meals and biscuits occasionally. At aunty's place, I also get 2 porridge a day but no cereal. Sometimes I get fish porridge and sometimes pork. Aunty doesn't use as much ingredients as mummy, well, what to do...

In total I am taking less than 20oz of milk a day. Should mummy worry (read the extract below)? Probably not since I am a happy and healthy baby with a bulging belly. I will get her to try and increase my milk to 24oz a day. That means for meals for me, happy me :-)

This is extracted from babycentre's website "Once you start adding solids to her diet, her daily intake of formula milk should gradually decrease to about 720ml / 24oz. The Food Standards Agency recommends that once your baby is established on solids, she should be having approximately 600ml / 20oz or one pint of formula milk per day alongside a varied diet until she is a year old."