I was introduced to Domestic Goddess's blog by Alice sometime ago and will occasionally drop in when I spotted some interesting posts. I love her posts and the ideas she has on bringing up her 2 boys. She's a very dedicated mom and I salute her! Today she wrote about whether as parents we should or should not whack our child. Read the full post here.
Like most parents, having a rotan at home is a necessity. I have a few. 1 in the car, 1 in the room, a few in the living room. They keep me sane when she misbehaved at the restaurant or at the mall or even in the car.
Anyway back to the topic, Domestic Goddess made me realise that whacking my child is not the right way to bring up a good kid. Many a times I would lose my patience and in order to get what I want out of her, I just take out the magic sword either to intimidate (mostly this) or whack and it often works. That was clearly the quickest and easiest way. But I failed to ask myself 'for how long?' and 'what would the consequences be?' and 'when do I draw the line?'. I only see the current and didn't really think about the future.
Today, after reading the post I had a short discussion with papa and agreed that we will TRY not to use the rotan from now on. Not to intimidate or whack. We will talk to her and explain to her as patiently as we can (those who know my monster will know how tough this would be and how much effort we need to put in to achieve this). We know it will be hard, it will be VERY hard and papa almost gave up a couple of times in the last 3 hours but I encouraged him to hang in there. I too almost gave up when she refused to eat the kiwi fruit or put on her pyjamas or keep her toys back in the toy box and papa simply laughed at me.
Well, glad to say that we didn't need the rotan's help today today which was rare, most probably because of the short hours we have with her, but considered a good start for us. Let's see how it will be come the weekend when we have to babysit her for 24 hours!
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE aaaummmmmmm ..............
14 comments:
sorry for feeling amused.. when u wrote something like, didnt whack her today which is very rare.. u mean to say, she gets whacked almost everyday? :p light whack, is it? i kept a cane too during those days but gradually it became a missing item.. if whack everyday, it will become a norm for the child..
if whack once a blue moon for being notorious, then it will make an impact on the child so that she/he will remember not to do it ever again..
my 2 cents.. :)
Well... she didn't really get whacked physically everyday la but we will at least flash the rotan in front of her when she misbehaved so the rotan will become a big part of her life on a daily basis. She is the type who likes to climb and touch things we forbid her to and she does it everytime.
And yes, when she gets whacked, it's normally light. Heavy whacked when she did something really wrong.
So far, we whacked her when we called her 10X to come over to say bath or change her pyjama and she didn't respond, so should we whack?
We also whacked her after telling her 10X not to stand so near the TV. Again, is it right to whack?
And we whacked her when she spit out the food onto the floor despite us telling her many times not to do that. Is it right to whack?
It's so hard being a parent!
I remember getting whacked by my parents too when I was small for misbehaving and I grew up ok :-). So I guess it is ok to whack once in a while but after that we have to explain why we whack. But for now, I am going to try not whacking first and monitor the outcome.
i jarang whack but i cepat ja nak jerit hehe, not good also i will say-
when they dont want to eat - i said no tv heheh - or if u tak mandi da ptg ni jangan harap kakak bawak pg taman - and it works - if tak nak makan - u kena makan minimum say - 5 times/spoon of rice - or no milk
but i do pukul dgn tangan gak sometimes if i geram -
my girl at 7 really menguji kesabaran i memang nak whack ja kalau boleh - :) - my 5 years suka cry nak apa2 or when i said no - so i let her cry - bila penat and she stop i will try to reason again - i dont know if this is the right way or not but it works jugakla :)
their father seldom mad at them - he always make me be the bad guy but once in blue moon if mad - he will threaten will belt :) - and the sound of the belt on the wall or floor does scare them - but never once kena pukul betul betul - i do agree no good to threaten as well
but again it is a challenging task in bringing up a child inikan pulak 2, 3 orang - at times we will lose patient gak :)
if she sits or stand too close to the TV - switch it off - tell her if she behave - sit far behind slightly then she can watch-
try :) dont lose if she cries or throw a tantrum - make sure she gets it - nak TV? , listen to me
if my child spit - i make her go and pick it up and throw in the bin - and i tell her next time make sure u run to toilet - i said garang one - i tak whack but i do garang heheh
iya manja2 whack is normal - i remember jugak kena pukul with tali pinggang or rotan - that a real whack kan :)
Wow... frankly, I personally think you might be a little too harsh to little Hayley, even reluctant to eat or put on a shirt also 'kena wallop'... phew!
I always bear in mind that too much caning would affect a child's intelligence and self esteem. Next time when Hayley annoys you, try to give her a hug 1st ok?:)
Have a nice day!
Ermayum, yeah I am like you too la. I dont usually whack, I usually use it to threaten or intimidate. And usually when it comes to whacking, the father is the bad guy. It actually hurts us more than it hurts her when we whacked her so we try not to use it unless we really cannot tahan. As for switching off TV and getting her to pick up and clean, we have done all that. Garang I pun pernah cuba, whack with hands pun pernah cuba, flick pun pernah, bribe pun pernah, praise pun pernah but she still repeats the bad things one la.. I think it's those phase where she is TESTING the water... hehe
Alice, don't worry, we're not barbarians. Of course we don't whack her everytime she refuses to wear her pyjamas. It hurts us more than it hurts her when we whack her. We just wonder when is the right time to draw the line? For eg, after bath she runs around naked. I called her so many times she ignored me. I reason with her saying she might catch a cold or some insects might bite her butt etc if she's not wearing anything she still ignores me. Then I said if you don't come I will whack you. She still ignores me, then what? Do I actually whack as I have said to keep my words or do I just continue to call until she comes?
Anyway, we normally use the rotan to intimidate her and it normally works. I just hold the rotan and she will come, dont even need to whack. Which means she knows what I want, she just wanted to test me (I guess). And yes I agree with you that too much whacking is bad for a child and I too don't encourage that. Hugging and kissing is a daily routine for us which I often emphasise :-) Anyway, being a parent is never easy, I guess we just have to find a way to make it work best for us.
True enough! When we hurt our beloved child, it will reflex more pain on us...as chinese saying, " Kids are our bone and flesh!"
I'm not sure whether my way would work for Hayley... Juan Juan used to run around drenched and naked after bath too. I just waved her 'goodbye', pretending to close the door(our bathroom is in the bedroom) and warning her I'm leaving without her unless she put on her shirt, it always works like a charm on her!:) She is kind of afraid of being isolated... whenever she annoys me, I just walk a way or kept her in a room... though they are also time that I lost control and hit her!T-T
Alice, yeah I did that too. Closing the door but that girl can now open the door on her own so she's not that scared anymore as compared to when she was younger. We just have to continuously come up with more and more ideas to 'deal' with them eh? :-)
Dear Kiasu Mom,
I can understand how much it is a dilemma in disciplining our kids using a rotan...
Hubby and I have come to a point that the rotan is no longer a threat to Ryan also...he even asks for it sometimes or willingly puts out his hands when he misbehaves...
so now the rotan is collecting dust already...
I realised that the more we get angry...and ask the child to do the right thing and start screaming at them.. the more they will go the other 'direction'. U are right... we have to remain calm and talk to them...which is very hard...as we are only human...!
Hai, i thank God my whacking days are over now, and i promise myself no whacking when my children reached primairly one......... ate on my words few times, but too be frank dont know when was the last time i lashed on them, that's good for it is not forlorn already,,
hey take care now,,,,,, and god bless
Leona, yeah we're not God so it is only normal that we react the way we did. Sometimes right and sometimes wrong. We shouldn't be too harsh on ourselves... we're not perfect! :-). So if the rotan is now collecting dust, what do you do when he misbehaved to the max? How do you teach or punish him?
Eugene, you and Claire have passed that stage.. lucky you. Now its our turn to suffer.... sob sob sob
Hi KM,
Yes unfortunately, I have to admit, after much persuading and yelling... we do resort to whacking!!! Horror I know. But we were whacked when we were kids, but we grew up normally (I think, ha!ha!).
I don't know, tried standing at the corner, witholding treats, threats (which is not so much better than whacking either right?) so I dunno, the dilemma continues I guess, not to mention the trauma of dealing with their antiques...
Eti, you are so right... like I have said earlier, different kids probably will have to use different tactics.. I guess we just have to try and see which works :-)
Post a Comment