Out of order...

Tomorrow is finally THE DAY! After all the cleaning and washing and packing, I think I am done, I hope I am done and I didn't miss anything [OCD kicking in :-)].

I am not sure how soon I will be able to get back to blogging, to write or even to read your posts. But I promise to at least try to post up some updates and photos of Bun as soon as I can.

Don't miss me too much :-).

The 3 of us, for the last time...

I have always wanted to take beautiful photos of me in my last trimester and finally got the opportunity to do it this time. But because I do not have a beautiful tummy (you know how some lucky woman will have tummy with no scars like 'watermelon scars' or brown vertical lines etc), I wasn't one of them. So no sexy shots of me in tank tubes. But just a couple of family shots taken at 37 weeks for our own collection.

The photography session only lasted 50 mins as the little one lost interest pretty quickly and refused to look into the camera. It was a pretty hot day too - you can see that Hayley's hair is soaked in sweat.

We just wanted to say a huge thanks to our photographer friend Joyce Lee and my best buddy Jessie who helped made this possible. Jessie introduced Joyce to me and Joyce who did a lot of photography work for charity and publications agreed to do this huge favour for us at a discounted price. Here are some raw photos which have not been touched up yet:

Bun's last check up

Saturday was Bun's last check up with Dr Lee. The next time we see Dr Lee, I will be on the operating table, naked and shivering (because of fear la) and with half of my body numbed and when it's all over I will have Bun in my arms and I will be in a lot of pain for days .... thinking of it alone is enough to cause me sleepness nights and I haven't been sleeping well in the past few nights because of the pain and because I could not find a comfortable spot - there is no comfortable spot!

I am officially off from work this week although I am still checking work emails occasionally in case my back up could not handle the 'shit' I left behind. I am trying to do a lot of last minute things such as cleaning, washing, packing, more cleaning, more washing and more packing. The weather hasn't been very co-operative, it's been raining everyday and my washing machine has been working non-stop. There seems to be no end in the things that I needed to wash and clean. I guess this is perfectly normal. I know I won't be able to clean and wash for at least a month or more so I am stressed out to get them all cleaned as much as I can now.

As of my last check up, I gained back 1 kg and current weight stands at 59.6kg. Dr Lee was delighted that I gained and he said everything is back to normal and I am ready for next Monday. Bun's head remained in the right position (ie bottom) but not engaged. Dr Lee said some babies especially 2nd pregnancies will only engage at the very last minute so it will be hard to tell if Bun will engage or not. Well, if Bun decides to come early, then we'll attempt natural based on the circumstances but if not, 1st Nov it will be.


We also managed to discuss about anasthetic with Dr Lee. Apparently there are 3 types - spinal, epidural and general anasthetic. I took the opportunity to ask him because for someone like me who has phobia towards needles, this is a BIG thing. I will even get weak knees when I had to go for my blood test and if the person drawing my blood is not skillful to do it quickly and at one go, I will faint, seriously.

Dr Lee explained that spinal is what most anasthetician would use for elective c-section, epidural injected in the empty space next to the spine is for natural birth and GA for elective c-section as well for those who would rather go to sleep during the surgery. Some anasthetician would use epidural for elective c-sec too. I had GA the first time and it was painless but the recovery was longer. I was groggy for a few hours and had to fast for 2 days and could not get down from bed for 2 days. I was told spinal would be painful when they jab into the spine but recovery would be faster. And since I am not planning for another child, I really wanted to build up enough courage to go through the surgery with a spinal jab. I wanted to see how or in this case hear how it was done. I just hope I won't chicken out at the last min.

Apart from worrying about which anasthetic to choose from and what have I not washed or cleaned, I am also constantly worried about the fact that in 4 more days I will have to manage 2 kids. Will I be able to do that? What will life be with 2 kids? How different will it be from now? I know many mothers have been through this and they survived and I will too, but I still can't stop myself from worrying and thinking too much. And you know what, we are going to put Hayley at the babysitter's for a few days when I am in the hospital and although that will only be happening in a few days, I am already feeling guilty and missing her like crazy even right now! Am I going insane or what????

The same guilt that I felt when I first found out I was pregnant that she will have to share my love with another sibling is back.... arghhh......

OK, I have to go and wash the bedsheets now.... tomorrow the curtains and strollers, Thurs the play pen.... hahaha

Heat rash attack 2

The heat rash attacked my poor girl again. The first time was in August and it lasted for slightly more than a week. This time we brought her to the paed and the paed said it wasn't heat rash. It was what chinese called 'fung mok'. I am not sure what it is called in medical terms. Anyway, the paed said it was an allergy, she is either allergic to some foods or some new washing detergent or some insects etc. The paed said it was mild and asked me if I gave her any new foods in the last couple of days. I honestly cannot recall giving her anything new and I bet the babysitter would tell me the same if I were to ask her on Monday. Hayley is 2.5 and she's eating everything we eat especially when we go out, it will be very tough to monitor her food.

Anyway, I am glad we brought her to the paed as the paed prescribed her with Atarax and the moment we gave her the first dose (she needs to take 3 doses a day for 3 days) the rashes disappeared. The paed also prescribed another med to be taken once a day for 2 weeks to hopefully get rid of this allergy.

Now the hard part is monitoring the food and if we can't find the source to it and should it happen again, we might need to document her daily food intake and routine to hopefully find the culprit.

As for eating the med, now that she's older and cheekier, she knows how to say no, how to keep her mouth closed and how to run away and hide the moment we take out the med bottle. The only way we can give her the med without any hassle is to bribe her with 1 M&M chocolate. We know bribing is not good but we're glad it worked.

Bun at 36+ weeks

Today we went to see our beloved Dr Lee again - getting a bit bored with all these visits and the waiting .. haha

The good news is Bun is growing well, Dr Lee predicted Bun to be at least 3.2 - 3.4kg (if not more). The circumference of Bun's head is quite big too, about the size of a 37 - 38 weeks baby. So Dr Lee said it is probably a good idea to confirm c-sec.

Our c-sec has been confirmed for 1st November at 2.30pm, just 16 more days to go [nail biting]. I probably won't be able to sleep the night before and ended up looking like a panda on 'action' day. Hopefully Bun remain co-operative and stick to our plan!

Dr Lee also said that there is a high chance that Bun might come earlier. If that happens, then we'll decide on the spot whether I should try natural or c-sec. He said if Bun's head engaged/crowned up to 40 - 50% and my cervix is about 4-5cm dilated, he would encourage me to try natural. But if Bun's head remained high and I am only about 2-3cm dilated and am experiencing labour pains, he suggested that I should just go for c-sec.

As for my weight, I lost this time. I am now at 58.9kg, lost 0.6kg in the last 2 weeks. Is losing weight even possible? I don't really know but Dr Lee said some women will lose weight closer to child birth so I should not be worried about it. But he did asked if I was sick or having diarrhea etc and said that instead of coming back in 2 weeks which will be 2 days before my c-sec, he suggested that I return for the last time next Saturday just to make sure everything is fine - he did show a concern face when he saw my current weight.. haiz...

In the last 2 weeks I also experienced the following changes:

• experiencing extreme itch on my tummy, so itchy that I have to scratch even when I am in the office or driving or walking. Extremely embarassing but I can't help it :-(. Hopefully I won't end up having red watermelon looking scars all over my tummy.
• my gums have also started bleeding in the last few days when I brush my teeth.
• sleeping (finding a comfortable spot) and waking up is becoming more and more challenging. Sometimes Bun will kick or press against my ribs causing pain.
• Bun likes to put pressure on my bladder too, very irritating.
• losing appetite during certain times especially dinner is also becoming a norm - sometimes feeling nauseous after eating - maybe this is why I lost weight.
• I am walking slower and slower that sometimes my colleagues will tease if they need to bring a shopping trolley to wheel me to lunch hahaha

Today we also completed pre-admission at SDMC. The costs are just scary, RM8,000 deposit, single room is RM230 per night (ala hotel standard).. hahaha

Some random shots with my Canon S95

A day out to our regular park on Sunday. Photos taken using Canon S95.

P/S: Leona, this camera is very good la. You should look into getting this one.

Stocking up on herbs from EYS

The moment I found out I got pregnant, my best friend asked me to make sure I stock up on some herbs from Eu Yan Sang (EYS). When she got pregnant and when her sis in law got pregnant, her mom gave them a checklist on the things they need to buy, some from EYS and some from any chinese herbs shops outside but her mom insisted that they MUST get everything on the list. She's had 1 kid, her sister in law 3 kids and they both seems to have very good health after having the kids and rarely falls sick - unlike me :-(.

So this time I decided to follow her and requested the checklist from her mom. This is what I was told to get and I got mine mostly from EYS for convenience sake:

1. Dang Guai and Nan Zhao (get 100 grams and divide into 4 packs), boil and drink with chicken drumstick after 10 days, drink once a week
2. Bak Foong pills (eat for 12 days, only start eating after menses is clear)
3. So Hup pills (eat for 16 days, can start immediately after child birth, once in the morning and once at night)
4. Astragalus slices (pak kei)
5. Tong sum
6. Red dates
7. Black dates
8. Lycium berries (kei chi)
9. Dried longan
10. Black beans (hak dao) use to boil with soup
11. Pak Foong Ngai (herbs for shower)

Items 1 to 3

My 30 packs of items 4 to 9 all nicely prepacked so it would be more convenient for the confinement lady to boil for me

The only 2 items I haven't bought would be item 9 and 10 which I will get later from the chinese herbs shop outside the house. The above, all from EYS cost me a hefty RM718.32 (after member's discount). Well, money aside I just hope to have better health after having Bun because I certainly do not want to be sick so often again like what I have to go through after having Hayley.

At Leona's recommendation, I also got a pack of Bo Ying Compound for Hayley just in case. I was told by EYS that I should give it to Bun as well the moment Bun is born but I am not prepared to do that. I think my breat milk will be sufficient :-)

Good bye old faithful

This blog is dedicated to 'old faithful' whom we've had for the last 15 years. Papa claimed it was a her and treated her like a wife. We really didn't have the intention to change her and there were no need to as papa hardly use her but because of the growing family and the need for a more reliable car, we didn't have a choice. Papa wanted to keep her as there were hardly any trade in value but felt that it wasn't the logical thing to do. Why would we need 3 cars at home? and where on earth will we park her? And if we kept her but ended up hardly using her, we know she will become more damaged and going to the scrap shop is the last we would want for old faithful. So we decided to let her go and hopefully she will find a new and better home.

Although she's no longer with us, here are some memorable stories that will always remain in our hearts:

• Papa first came to pick me up during our first date 13 years ago in her.
  
• Papa and I and now Hayley often argued about her colour. Both Hayley and I said she was green, papa insisted that she was blue. It created many laughter.
  
• Papa bought her when he first started working because of his previous girlfriend who insisted that a man must have a ride. When they broke up, he was heart broken and took her out for a drink and ended up throwing up in her at the back seat.
• When my first car was submerged in water up to the roof while parked behind the office (many years old during one of the heaviest down pour in KL), old faithful came to my rescue.
• When I was still dancing part time and didn't own a car, papa and old faithful waited for me to finish work to send me safely back home. Sometimes they waited for 30 mins, sometimes 3 hours. Although papa was showing me a sour face during the latter, old faithful greeted me with a smile :-)
• When we needed to transport bulky items like a table or chair, old faithful was the one we depended on as my car (although a sedan), could not perform the job like old faithful can.
• Papa had one major accident with her a couple of years back, half of the car (the front part) was gone. Papa smashed her into a tree while taking a turn in a dark alley. The windscreen was smashed and because there were no air bags papa flew out from car and was found by his friends several meters from her. Papa had to get a few stitches on his chin and legs and there were a few cuts here and there, the most obvious was the horizontal cut across his belly, but thankfully nothing major was damaged or broken. He was released from the hospital after half a day. Doctors said he was lucky but I think it was old faithful, she looked after him well. Old faithful was re-assembled again but she was never the same since then.
  
• I looked after papa while he was recovering, feeding him and cleaning his wounds. Papa was touched and proposed a few days later. He went down on one knee although he couldn't due to the stitches and I said yes :-). Prior to that, I found the receipt to the ring in his shirt pocket while helping him with his laundry and had to pretend that I didn't see it, he didn't know about this until I told him much later [hahaha]

Thank you for all the sweet memories old faithful and most importantly thank you for looking after papa during the last 15 years and keeping him safe. You also brought us together. You will be missed and we hope you will find a new good home and we certainly hope to see you around again soon.....

We've finally decided and then.....

Today, papa and I finally discussed and decided that c-sec it is. We weighed the pros and cons and made the decision. We even decided on the date and confirmed our arrangements with Dr Lee.

Then... we started hearing comments such as these.....

• aiyah, why c-sec, just think positive and surely you can go for natural one... last time people where got options.. die die also natural also can
• natural is good, it's a different experience, very memorable, unlike c-sec.. try it and you will know what I mean
• my friend's first child also c-sec and then second one natural and she said natural is better
• think positive, don't think you can't, think you can and you surely can
• why waste the money, try natural la, then you can save a few thousands
• last time my kid was 8 pounder and I also gave birth like that

To those who commented, I know you meant well, you meant to encourage me to try natural birth but I am not prepared to take the risk.

I am not going for c-sec because it is the easy way out. DEFINITELY NOT. I have never ever thought of that. Who would want to go under the knife if given a choice? You think c-sec doesn't come with pain??? I tried natural with my first child and because she didn't crown, I ended up suffering contractions for a couple of hours and then was told that I wasted my time and effort. Imagine my despair and my disappointment. It was not even beyond my control. My previous doctor could not explain why she didn't crown and until now I still didn't have any answers.

This time, Dr Lee said the same thing. His guess was because of my petite frame but it was just a guess. He said if Bun is about the same size as Hayley, very likely I will have the same problem. He did encourage me to try natural but he also warned me to be prepared to face the same trauma. He also warned that if I ended up using both the labor room and the OT, I will have to pay more. I am just not prepared to face the same trauma or disappointment again and we certainly do not wish to pay more.

Not only it is hard for us to make the decision, it is even harder for me to accept the fact that I am a loser. I feel like a loser because I cannot give birth to my babies naturally like most woman can, like how nature designed it or like how my mother gave birth to us or how my sister gave birth to her 2 girls. I guess I am not normal after all. The guilt alone is enough to kill me so please don't make it any worst.

Anyway, this will be the last time I am explaining my situation and I am not going to mention it anymore - I am bored of saying it over and over and yet people still don't get it. All I am asking for is just some support and understanding but if you can't do that, then please keep those comments to yourself.

Thankfully I have an understanding man by my side. He was there during the first time and he knew what I had to go through and supported my decision all along. I am so glad that I have him by my side to help me overcome my guilt.

Sad news....

Yesterday and today I received 2 very sad news....

A good friend of mine is pregnant with her 2nd child. She's about a month behind me so the baby will due end Dec. This morning, I was told that she delivered yesterday, the baby at 29 weeks weighs only 1.35kg. 2 weeks ago she was complaining about having bleeding and doctor told her to rest more and I honestly didn't expect this to happen. I really hope both mummy and baby will pull through.

Again this morning I was told that another relative of mine who attempted IVF for the 5th time and finally got pregnant will also be having her emergency c-sec today, 1 month ahead of the EDD. Her gynae told her that the baby seems to be getting smaller so it is better for them to have her out and monitor her condition. What is going on? In the past I really rarely hear of cases like these but now it seems so common. Is it something we eat? or is it in the air that we breathe? I am so upset. I just hope both babies and both mummies will be ok.

This really made me appreciate more and more of what I have today....

Bun at 35 weeks

2 weeks flew by yet again. On Saturday we visited Dr Lee again for my checkup. This time I gained 1kg - current weight 59.5kg. 14.5kg gained to-date.

It was a quick checkup, Bun was growing well and we didn't check Bun's weight this time. I told Dr Lee to check only at the next check up so it will be closer to due and I don't have to pay RM60 twice for this scan. It will also be easier for me to make the decision whether to opt for c-sec or natural if I knew Bun's weight at a later stage. Dr Lee said based on the size of my tummy, Bun looks 2 weeks older, ie he is hinting to me to expect Bun to be more than 3kg :-).

Dr Lee gave me some dates to choose in case I decided on c-sec. Since Bun's EDD is 10.11.10, Dr Lee suggested 30.10.10, 1.11.10, 2.11.10, 3.11.10 or 4.11.10. At this point in time, I think I will just go for c-sec due to the following reasons:

• hubby strongly encourage that I go for c-sec again so I don't have to go through the trauma of attempting natural and then ended up being slaughtered if the baby won't crown again - this will also result us in paying extras for the use of labor room and also the operating theatre.
  
• since we have Hayley at home with no maid/help, having an elective c-sec will help us plan a little better. We could make arrangements to drop Hayley at the babysitter's and prepare everything else necessary instead of going into panic mode if I suddenly experience labor pains in the middle of the night
• my first was a c-sec so might as well have another c-sec since I already have a scar there
  
• I know what to expect from a c-sec so hopefully will be able to prepare myself better - mentally and emotionally.
  

Of course there are a lot of disadvantages to c-secs too such as:

• max 3 babies (not that I am planning of having more than 2 but you just never know)
  
• the post surgery healing is much longer than natural birth and much more painful
• movement is very restricted due to the pain for the first 2 weeks, breastfeeding while lying on my sides is almost impossible without help
  
• won't be able to do 'urut' immediately which a lot of people say is really good and must do as soon as I can. I didn't have a single urut session after Hayley was born :-(
  
• of course it cost a lot more too.. you're talking about RM3-4k V RM7-8k at SDMC
  
• restrictions to certain confinement foods
• more prone to infections post surgery (which I experienced 2 weeks after having Hayley)

Weighing the pros and cons, I am currently 70% leaning towards c-sec. Anyway, will decide in another 2 weeks. Hopefully I will be 100% sure by then.

I just hate making all these decisions but it is one that must be made. SIGH....

Papa's birthday and his present

Papa's birthday was exactly 10 days after my birthday. For this year, I wanted to take him to Sage (fine dining restaurant) at The Gardens but unfortunately we could not find a babysitter on Saturday night and they are not open for business on Sunday and therefore I had to change my plans. I took him to Xenri (Japenese fine dining) instead which is located near Wisma Elken in Old Klang Road since we've heard a lot of nice things about this place and instead of dinner we went for lunch. All these was made possible thanks to my sister and her boyfriend Ivan who helped to babysit Hayley for a couple of hours :-).

About Xenri, I think the food was really nice but the ambience just average. Here are some of the food we ordered taken using my new Canon S95 without any touch ups :-)

Part of Papa's meal set

My set but I donated my sashimi to papa :-(

Part of papa's set - Salad

Part of papa's set - Tofu

Part of papa's set - more Sashimi (which unfortunately I could not eat)

My healty 'dragon fruit and orange juice', absolutely love it. Only RM6.90.

The birthday boy

At night, the little rascal sang her papa a birthday song and she couldn't wait to blow the candle on the cake and to have her hands on the cake. The cake is courtesy of my sis and her boyfriend (picked by Hayley)... thanks again :-)

And lastly, papa's present to himself. A brand new car! I sponsored some accessories.. haha. Well, papa ordered the car about 2 weeks ago but wasn't expecting it to arrive on his birthday but it did. Papa had to say goodbye to his old faithful of 15 years (yes he drove his previous car for 15 years) and it was a rather emotional goodbye for him. We made the very difficult decision to get a brand new car (that of course comes along with a commitment of 6 years, sigh) because of the growing family and a need for a safer and more reliable car.