Not sure if other new moms out there felt the same but I suddenly became very depressed over the weekend. I suddenly thought of my friends. When was the last time I contacted them? When was the last time we met up for a good chat or for dinner or even for a drink? I could not remember. I think it was before I had Hayley so that must at least be 9 months ago.
I did receive invitations but often I would reject them and after a few rejects, they stopped asking me. I did attend a gathering once but I left after an hour as I was worried about Hayley (alone with the papa for the 1st time and I am not sure if he could handle her). Some friends also took the effort to drop by for a visit but I felt bad. I felt that I didn't put in any effort at all in maintaining the friendship. Friends who understands will understand but there will always be a few who doesn't and I do not want to lose my friends.
I think I spend too much time on Hayley. I set too high an expectation for myself in caring for Hayley. I felt that if I didn't do what I had to do for the day, I am not a good mom and I am not a responsible mom. I have to make sure the same routine was performed everyday otherwise I would feel bad/guilty and its like my day isn't complete. As I only have quality time with Hayley on weekends, I made sure I dedicate my time to her on weekends without allocating anytime for myself. Come to think of it, I forgot when was the last time I actually went shopping for myself. Each shopping trip is to the baby's department. I also dislike bringing Hayley out with me to meet friends as she is a 'busy body' girl. Eventhough she is tired, she won't nap when we are outside and I dislike the idea of her missing her naps. I also dislike the idea of her missing her porridge or cereal or fruits whenever we are out. As weekends are the only time I had with her, I need to make sure she gets all the good stuff ie nutrients etc from the food I feed her. These are all the excuses I give myself to stay home.
Because of all that I suddenly became lonely. I used to be very outgoing, dancing and performing everywhere and could never sit still and had friends from all walks of life. Now I am often at home and 24 hours with Hayley and becoming a 100% dedicated mom. Am I becoming too obsessive? Am I doing it all wrong? Or do other moms out there had the same problem like me?
A friend who cared made some suggestions like a lady's night out once every week or every 2 weeks. Just a couple of hours after work for dinner or shopping or foot reflex or anything at all except being home. She even offered to accompany me. Glad that I still have a good friend out there. Talking about this good friend, she is pregnant herself and warned me that if she ever became obsessive like me, I need to pull her out of the house ~ lol.
I think this is quite a common problem for moms who couldn't let go. It is not an easy decision to make but it is one that has to be made. My sister who had 2 girls (4 years and 8 months) had the same problem. We have also agreed that we have to find time, once a month to go for some self pampering activities. A spa day out or even shopping just for us. NO baby stuff. I said ok.
This Friday I am going to put words into action. I have actually made a lunch appt with a good friend who often came over to visit Hayley (with gifts). I am going to buy him lunch as I will not be working on Friday (clearing annual leaves). As I do not have the luxury of a maid, Friday is normally my spring cleaning day. I could only clean when Hayley is not with me or not at home and that day is only Friday. As she is now crawling everywhere, cleaning the house is something that I must do (again obsessive I know). It will be a tough Friday for me as I had to juggle going to the market (to buy stuff to cook her porridge for the weekend), to spring clean the whole house (fyi its a double storey terrace house), to meet a friend for lunch in PJ and to pick her up after it all ends. It will be tiring for me , no doubt (I always complain to my husband that being on leave is even more tiring than being at work) but I am going to give it a try. Wish me luck and I hope after a few attempts with different friends, I will be back on par again and be a happy mom. A happy mom will lead to a happy baby! Now you know why I lost 5 kg! lol
No comments:
Post a Comment