I always wonder, is a child born with a certain character or is it the parent's fault for not educating and guiding the child causing such a character?
My 3 year old is very different from most kids her age from what I can observe. She is very friendly, caring, inquisitive, curious, mature and has a mind of her own.
Although she is very friendly and caring, most kids at the playground dislike to play with her. You may wonder why????
Well, I would like to think that her friendliness and caring nature kind of scare people away and some even find her annoying. For eg. if she see a little kid (one that is younger than her) at the playground, her sisterly instinct would kick in and she would want to protect the kid. She would want to hold his hand, make sure he won't fall and if he failed to rock on the horsey, she would push him, the same for the slide! Now some of you may think, hey there is nothing wrong with that! Well... she is clumsy and rough, she would sometimes unintentionally cause the kid to fall and when she pushes him on the horsey, she would sometimes push too hard and scare the kid. There is no need to mention how she would scare the parents if she try to help to push a kid down the slide! Some parents will find her annoying too cause she just won't stop following their kid!
When she see older kids at the playground, she would want to play with them. She would play whatever they are playing and try to be involved. She just wants to be apart of them and have some friends. Some of these older kids will find her disturbing. Once, one of the older kids even commented 'wo tau yen tar' (mandarin for 'I hate her'). Sigh.. my poor girl.
If she's at the swing and they are all occupied, she would not hesitate to speak her mind and say 'you have to share, its my turn' to any of the kids on the swing. Although I encourage her to speak her mind and although she is not wrong, some parents and kids will find her to be impolite. Most kids her age would just stand at the corner displaying a sad face waiting for their turn but mine as you can see, will not!
Like most kids her age, she also likes to play with what others are playing. If no one is playing with the blocks, she won't touch the blocks. If a kid plays with the blocks, she too wants to play with the blocks. Same will happen to the brother. Whatever the brother is playing, she wants to play. Is that her being possessive or she's just having trouble sharing??
I always encourage her to be loving, not afraid to kiss and hug and express her love. I always remind her to share which is the hardest lesson to teach as she was quite selfish, I would like to blame this as a result of her being the only child for almost 3 years. We don't pamper and spoil her if that's what you're thinking :-). She does get punished and caned whenever necessary.
So how did she end up with this character? Papa always say she is behaving just like me. Is she mirroring what I am doing or did she get my genes and born with it?
And my next question is, is this character good or bad for her?
Now that she's still young she doesn't know and probably not bruised by being brushed aside by other kids. When she is older, how will she react? Will she grow to be someone with a strong character as a result of this or will she get bruised and eventually hide in a corner?
Only time will tell. I will not stop encouraging her to continue to be caring, friendly and inquisitive but I will certainly keep a close eye to make sure it won't end up in a negative way.
Now now, I also want to give credit when credit is due. Her character sometimes do result in many positive remarks from other parents. Sometimes some will say 'she's very sweet and loving' when she 'took care' of their little ones and some even say 'she's so nice' when she hugged the other kids goodbye :-)
7 comments:
Seriously, I don't see tht as a problem, being selfish at this age is part of the kids' nature, playful and clumsiness are inevitable... as thy grow older thy will certainly overcome these imperfection, most important is parents(like wht you perceive) to share their problem, talk to thm and give thm proper guidance!
Your girl certainly has great potential, awesome characters and most important beautiful heart! Just don't put down by some uneventful anecdotes, she is not alone! I hv not one but 2 friendly and over energetic kids, at time thy can be really annoying but I try to focus on their good points . Believe in yourself and most important your kids, keep nurturing and appreciate thm and I'm sure thy will do well in the future!
yes, agreed.
nothing wrong with her. maybe she got a high EQ......yeah?
My opinion...
i believe everyone is born with certain character written in their genetic makeup. But not necessarily inherited from their parent. If a child exhibit similar traits of the parent...that i believe is from observation growing up.
As for Hailey personality that u described...the part in the playground...certainly her intentions and heart is ALL good. but as u know la...there are so many types of ppl and not all people look at the 'good' of the child. I guess as a mother to her, you can only advice her and accentuate that positive side of those traits.As she gets older, I am sure Hailey can see in which situation to use her strengths and when to stay away.
She is a great girl..blessed with such great traits. Give her time and she will use those strengths well.
she has a leadership quality in her. Others may find it hard to get along with her now, but over time, she'll learn to make GOOD use of it and you'll see, she'll be a great leader! :)
THat's what I love about young and innocent children! They don't pretend and when they want to show they care for others, they really show it without expecting anything in return! That's the most beautiful thing of human virtue which sadly fades as the child grows up. That's why your daughter can still continue to show her caring nature even though some people and kids may seems to be irritated with her. THis goes on to show that by nature, human are good at heart. It's just that by accumulated negative experiences, human tends to become calculative and doings things just because he/she wants something back in return. Your daughter's experience reminds me of what my son went thru too. He was in the kindy and he saw 2 older girls (about 5 yrs old) playing with each other. My son tried to join in but somehow they ignored him - treat him like as if he is transparent! Another incident was when I accompanied my son to urinate at the kindy's toilet. One boy slightly older than him went into the toilet and my son greeted him with a smile and hand wave. The boy looked back at my son but walked on ignoring my son's gesture, treated him like as if he is transparent. FOr one moment, I was very tempted to think whether the boy's parents are probably like that too - tidak apa attitude, cold and insensitive - but I decided to give his parents the benefit of the doubt. Deep down inside, I was saddened by what I saw and was wondering whether my son felt the same way too (but maybe not becos he's still too young!). I really hope my son won't grow up to be disillusioned about practising good virtues regardless of whether people acknnowledge or don't knowledge simple polite gestures/greetings. Keep up the good virtue in your daughter too! :-)
Alice Law, you are right, maybe I worry too much too soon. Maybe she will be ok as she gets older. I am sure she will survive in the concrete jungle just like how we all survived :-).
Alicia, after reading that other mothes also have similar problems, I guess I am not alone. So doesn't feel bad anymore now :-)
Leona, yeah I always try to tell her what is right and wrong. Sometimes she will show a sad face when she got rejected sometimes she 'tidak apa' like nothing happened. So I think she is still too young to know what is going on.
Merryn, thanks for dropping by. I really hope what you said will come true :-)
Alice Phua, I guess you can relate to me the most since your boy also experienced the same thing. As mothers we just can't help but feel 'sad and pity' for our kids as all we want for them is always the best! And you are right, all those influenced out there can be so scary but I think as long as we do our best in bringing them up the right way, they should be ok.
Just realised that I have 3 friends with the same name! ALICE! :-)
we always need to guide our children kan - reinforce her good traits - she got positive traits lah and she talks right even if people think she is a nuisance :) just let her develop her good traits with yr guidance like tell her dont be too harsh - - or tell her to be more subtle when she is claiming her turn ;)
anyway she has you so she will turn out great :D
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